Riding off into some sort of sunset.

Its New Years, lets confess a secret shall we? My (not so)secret?

I really want to be a cowboy when I grow up. 

You think I'm kidding? I'm not.

I am not talking about a dude who has a big yard and buys a pony, but still lives technically in the city.....
I want to live in the middle of nowhere. I want to grow my own food. I love everything about the idea of rural life, even the part where you have to get up at 4am, when its 13 degrees out and even the 1500 pound horse with FUR is like "WTF dude who turned up the cold!?" I even like the hard work and the less than ideal weather and the fact that a storm could strand you for weeks without power.

I want to surround myself with land, to share, to use, to create space for people, and animals.

I am sure at this point you are going... um.. okay Connor, and this relates to gender/transition how?

It does because I want to be a fucking cowboy, and I'll tell you why.

In my first post I talked about a very important man in my life, that influenced me with his brand of masculinity, but I also had other folks I have looked up to in my life. Many of the men I grew up around were middle class, hard working, blue collar, tough guys. Many of them learned trades from their fathers, and stayed in a small town to raise their own kids, whether by choice or by circumstance. These guys, who I saw every time my dad brought me through the cafes,coffee spots and yes, bars where his friends hung out. They were giants in work boots, chain smoking in their carharts. Rough and crude they were the sailors of our town, and while there is much I DON'T admire about these guys, there is plenty I do.

My dad, for instance. Is the single most handy person on the planet. I think a combination of street smarts and necessity has created these abilities. And he will teach you anything you want to know, and fiercely loyal, he'd both get you out of a tight spot, and kick your ass when you make a bad choice... He respects and loves the physical place I grew up in such a powerful way, and all these things have stuck with me.

There's a lot of my small town ethics stuck to my ribs, and I like it that way. I want a simple, beautiful, sustainable life, that is rich in tradition and unconventional ways of doing things. There will be radical queers and country music in my future. I can bake vegan cookies and make killer ribs.  I like the idea of raising and keeping animals, but in a way that is sustainable and ethical in every way. I want to redefine family, and I can't wait to see what that looks like.

I'm gonna be a cowboy when I grow up,

I'm just here to mix it up.



(FYI I am currently between jobs, hence all the posts.ENJOY)

-Connor