One of the "guys".....

  

(This is the most recent pic, of a cat, not consenting to cuddling. I Do it anyways, as I say in my house. Love is not optional.)



Hey folks in internet land...



I was doing so good with the updates, and then last week I went back to work.
A new job always presents a similar issue...how to address the fact that at least HALF the people in any given room (whether that be clients or fellow staff/managers) are very confused as to how to address me.

This is made even more glaringly apparent when you work with a 99% male staff, and 100% male clients...Some of the new guys I work with got it right away, or at least are calling me by the correct pronoun and interacting with me as one of the guys, the other folks, well they interact with me from the closest reference they can find...the fact that I am a citizen of HOMO-land. This includes  very friendly references to how many gay friends they have, how they are "totally cool with gay people".. etc. Now, from a roomful of straight, bio men.. This is a pretty cool thing. Its usually their awkward way of saying..."I'm on your side!" (which I appreciate!)

But here's the fucking awkward part.. how to bridge that topic... causally on a smoke break? Over coffee in a staff meeting? Tell one and hope he spreads the word? Group emails?  Its different every time, and I like most trans/queer folks have become a near expert on wiggling that reference, that comment that THING that makes the other persons ears almost visibly perk up, makes that perfect little entrance for the whole..."yes, i am a trans-guy. I'm on hormones. I'd like to be referenced as a guy."

I don't expect miracles from people, nor do I expect them to just know... I understand that 'coming out' is as much a part of my life as brushing my teeth or doing my laundry. Its just something that has be done...So as we have a week of training this week I'm bridging that hurdle.

As far as transition related news. I had TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS of insomnia. Mind numbing, crippling insomnia. Also, hot flashes.  A LOT of them. I hear this is normal. Its just now subsiding and I hope it stays far far away from me. I am NOT a pleasant person to be around tired,hungry,hot, and on an emotional roller-coaster.Welcome to hormone land, the worlds weirdest amusement park...In more positive news, i have noticeable fuzz on my cheeks, and my voice has dropped a bit. My musculature is shifting, and I I can see my leg hair is thickening up.  HUZZAH.

Also, as far as libido goes. I thought my friends were...exaggerating if you will. I thought maybe they were just saying that the sex drive went through the roof...Mine is visiting other solar systems entirely. I would go into detail, but I have family who peeks at this blog. No thanks.

Also, this weekend I am going to visit my family in Southern Oregon. More updates on that next week.

I will do my best to update at least once a week. Writing is my catharsis.

-More later-

Connor.