Update.

The physicality of this process is overwhelming sometimes. Something is different week to week, sometimes day to day. And I feel bad for my best friends constantly having to inspect every new hair that arrives with the same "OOHs" and ""AHHS" that are usually saved for children's accomplishments. But this sis EXCITING to me. To see my body slowly morphing into the image I have always had of myself.  This last weekend my friends and family came out to throw me a "T" (testosterone) Party! To celebrate the starting of this leg of the journey. It was very, very fun. (pic below)
This week, a new show on the OWN (Oprah's) network called "Lisa Lings America" Chronicled the lives of six trans folks in varying stages of life. Watching the segment about Hailey (age six, formerly harry) brought tears to my eyes. Her parents, average middle class, church going citizens have had every belief they hold dear challenged by the existence of this beautiful child. And instead of fighting it, they have empowered Hailey (a name she chose, fyi) To assert herself as she see's fit. Everyday is an adventure of sparkly girly things and the happiness is palpable.
My sister told me after watching the show that this is exactly how I was as a child. Everyone knew something wasn't quite the same as "other children' and it didn't help that I stood in stark contrast to three sisters. I am hearing more and more that most people in my life "knew something"... how different my life would have been if I had been allowed at four, five, six years old to assert myself in the way I envisioned myself.

I get asked a lot if I wish i had just been born biologically male... And to that I can answer a resounding NO. I wouldn't trade this experience in for anything. It makes me who I am everyday. And I have a unique opportunity to reshape masculinity for the better, a task I attempt in small ways every single day.

This week I am noticing my facial hair is getting thicker, beyond the blond fuzz, and I presume that in two-three months time it will be visibly patterned across my face. My body hair is thickening up too. Leg hair, belly hair, arm hair.. all getting darker and thicker. I'm becoming the bear I always wanted to be ;)